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I WAS PONDERING ABOUT SOME OF MY CHANGES I HAVE BEEN THROUGH IN MY LIFE AND WHEN I LOOK BACK I SUDDENLY REALIZE GOD HAS ALWAYS WORKED THINGS OUT FOR ME. THE WORSE THINGS THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME STEERED ME RIGHT INTO THE CORRECT PATH.
I REMEMBER ONE TIME WHEN MY LIFE HAD SUNKEN INTO AN ALL TIME LOW WHEN I WAS ABOUT 26. I HAD STARTED DRINKING JUST TO COPE. I HAD BECOME SO PARANOID THAT I WOULDN'T EVEN STEP OUT OF MY HOUSE FOR FEAR SOMEONE WOULD SEE ME. MY ANSWER WAS TO STAY DRUNK SO I COULD ASSOCIATE WITH PEOPLE. I HAD TO BE DRUNK JUST TO GO WHERE PEOPLE WERE. I REALLY SUNK BELOW THE SURFACE AND DROWNING EVEN SOUNDED DESIRABLE TO THE LIFE I WAS LIVING.
TO ESCALATE MATTERS MORE TOWARDS HELL, I GOT EVICTED FROM THE TRAILER PARK I LIVED IN 4 MONTHS BEFORE FINAL PAYOFF ON MY TRAILER ,WHICH I FELT WAS REAL UNFAIR SINCE THE EVICTION HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING I HAD DONE. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE I BURNED BOTH HANDS AND BOTH FEET TWO DAYS AFTER THE EVICTION. NO ONE COULD HELP ME MOVE, NO ONE HAD ANY MONEY AND I FELT THE AS IF MY WORLD HAD EXPLODED AROUND ME. HERE I WAS WITH THREE CHILDREN, NO JOB, NO HOME AND NO ONE TO HELP ME.
I COULD HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE EASIEST THING TO DO AND YOU CAN BELIEVE I FELT LIKE IT. THE DEVIL HAD A FIELD DAY TELLING ME WHAT A LOW DOWN PIECE OF SCUM I WAS. WHAT A FAILURE I WAS AS A PARENT AND EVEN AS A HUMAN BEING. I ROLLED AROUND IN SELF PITY AND PULLED IN EVERYBODY I COULD INTO MY PITY WORLD. I DEPRESSED MYSELF WITH ALL MY PITY STORIES.
GOD KNEW THAT LIKE SWIMMING WHEN I GOT TO THE BOTTOM I WOULD KICK BACK OFF AND HEAD BACK TO THE TOP. HE KNEW I COULDN'T STAY UNDER FOR LONG THAT I'M A NATURAL FLOATER. HE KNEW THAT ONE DAY I WOULD WAGE WAR ON THE DEVIL AND START SWINGING. I FLOATED AROUND WITH MY CHILDREN FOR A WHILE AND WATCHED THE FEAR IN THEIR EYES THAT THIS WAS THE LIFE THAT THEY WERE GOING TO LIVE. I HAD ENOUGH AND REACHED INSIDE MYSELF AND PULLED OUT THE BAT AND SWUNG WITH ALL MY MIGHT AND KNOCKED THAT DEVIL OFF HIS FEET.
I GOT ME A PLACE TO LIVE AND WENT BACK TO WORK. I STOPPED DRINKING AND WATCHED THE SMILES OF MY CHILDREN AS I GAVE THANKS FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE. EVERY HUG WAS A TREASURE AND I WONDERED HOW I COULD HAVE BEEN SO BLIND THAT I COULDN'T SEE THAT IN FRONT OF ME WAS THE MOST PRECIOUS THING GOD COULD EVER GIVE A PERSON ,MY CHILDREN. I KNEW THAT THIS IS HOW GOD FEELS WHEN WE SMILE KNOWING HE IS CARING FOR US AND MEETING OUR NEEDS .
THE JOY OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE SHARED THROUGH UNCONDITIONAL HEARTS.
AS I LOOK BACK I SEE HOW GOD HAD TO KICK MY ASS JUST TO GET ME TO WAKE UP. I WAS SO EVOLVED AROUND MYSELF THAT I COULDN'T EVEN SEE THAT ALL I NEEDED WAS ALWAYS THERE. HOW HE FORCED ME TO CHANGE, BY MAKING ME FACE ,MY ULTIMATE ENEMY ,ME! TO TAKE A LONG LOOK AT THE MONSTER I HAD BECOME. HE FORCED ME TO EXPELLED THE DEMONS THAT HAD CAME RIGHT OUT OF HELL TO PROCESS ME.
EVERYDAY I PRAY THANKS TO GOD THAT I CAN WAKE UP AND TAKE A LONG LOOK AT THAT PERSON I WAS AND BE GRATEFUL THAT HE MADE ME SUCH A GREAT SWIMMER THAT I CAN TREAD WATER FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES AND THAT HE GIVES ME THE INSIGHT TO LOOK FOR LAND WHEN I AM STRANDED IN THE THE OCEAN OF LIFE.
I REMEMBER ONE TIME WHEN MY LIFE HAD SUNKEN INTO AN ALL TIME LOW WHEN I WAS ABOUT 26. I HAD STARTED DRINKING JUST TO COPE. I HAD BECOME SO PARANOID THAT I WOULDN'T EVEN STEP OUT OF MY HOUSE FOR FEAR SOMEONE WOULD SEE ME. MY ANSWER WAS TO STAY DRUNK SO I COULD ASSOCIATE WITH PEOPLE. I HAD TO BE DRUNK JUST TO GO WHERE PEOPLE WERE. I REALLY SUNK BELOW THE SURFACE AND DROWNING EVEN SOUNDED DESIRABLE TO THE LIFE I WAS LIVING.
TO ESCALATE MATTERS MORE TOWARDS HELL, I GOT EVICTED FROM THE TRAILER PARK I LIVED IN 4 MONTHS BEFORE FINAL PAYOFF ON MY TRAILER ,WHICH I FELT WAS REAL UNFAIR SINCE THE EVICTION HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING I HAD DONE. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE I BURNED BOTH HANDS AND BOTH FEET TWO DAYS AFTER THE EVICTION. NO ONE COULD HELP ME MOVE, NO ONE HAD ANY MONEY AND I FELT THE AS IF MY WORLD HAD EXPLODED AROUND ME. HERE I WAS WITH THREE CHILDREN, NO JOB, NO HOME AND NO ONE TO HELP ME.
I COULD HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE EASIEST THING TO DO AND YOU CAN BELIEVE I FELT LIKE IT. THE DEVIL HAD A FIELD DAY TELLING ME WHAT A LOW DOWN PIECE OF SCUM I WAS. WHAT A FAILURE I WAS AS A PARENT AND EVEN AS A HUMAN BEING. I ROLLED AROUND IN SELF PITY AND PULLED IN EVERYBODY I COULD INTO MY PITY WORLD. I DEPRESSED MYSELF WITH ALL MY PITY STORIES.
GOD KNEW THAT LIKE SWIMMING WHEN I GOT TO THE BOTTOM I WOULD KICK BACK OFF AND HEAD BACK TO THE TOP. HE KNEW I COULDN'T STAY UNDER FOR LONG THAT I'M A NATURAL FLOATER. HE KNEW THAT ONE DAY I WOULD WAGE WAR ON THE DEVIL AND START SWINGING. I FLOATED AROUND WITH MY CHILDREN FOR A WHILE AND WATCHED THE FEAR IN THEIR EYES THAT THIS WAS THE LIFE THAT THEY WERE GOING TO LIVE. I HAD ENOUGH AND REACHED INSIDE MYSELF AND PULLED OUT THE BAT AND SWUNG WITH ALL MY MIGHT AND KNOCKED THAT DEVIL OFF HIS FEET.
I GOT ME A PLACE TO LIVE AND WENT BACK TO WORK. I STOPPED DRINKING AND WATCHED THE SMILES OF MY CHILDREN AS I GAVE THANKS FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE. EVERY HUG WAS A TREASURE AND I WONDERED HOW I COULD HAVE BEEN SO BLIND THAT I COULDN'T SEE THAT IN FRONT OF ME WAS THE MOST PRECIOUS THING GOD COULD EVER GIVE A PERSON ,MY CHILDREN. I KNEW THAT THIS IS HOW GOD FEELS WHEN WE SMILE KNOWING HE IS CARING FOR US AND MEETING OUR NEEDS .
THE JOY OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE SHARED THROUGH UNCONDITIONAL HEARTS.
AS I LOOK BACK I SEE HOW GOD HAD TO KICK MY ASS JUST TO GET ME TO WAKE UP. I WAS SO EVOLVED AROUND MYSELF THAT I COULDN'T EVEN SEE THAT ALL I NEEDED WAS ALWAYS THERE. HOW HE FORCED ME TO CHANGE, BY MAKING ME FACE ,MY ULTIMATE ENEMY ,ME! TO TAKE A LONG LOOK AT THE MONSTER I HAD BECOME. HE FORCED ME TO EXPELLED THE DEMONS THAT HAD CAME RIGHT OUT OF HELL TO PROCESS ME.
EVERYDAY I PRAY THANKS TO GOD THAT I CAN WAKE UP AND TAKE A LONG LOOK AT THAT PERSON I WAS AND BE GRATEFUL THAT HE MADE ME SUCH A GREAT SWIMMER THAT I CAN TREAD WATER FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES AND THAT HE GIVES ME THE INSIGHT TO LOOK FOR LAND WHEN I AM STRANDED IN THE THE OCEAN OF LIFE.
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