LIFE CHANGES

I WAS PONDERING ABOUT SOME OF MY CHANGES I HAVE BEEN THROUGH IN MY LIFE AND WHEN I LOOK BACK I SUDDENLY REALIZE GOD HAS ALWAYS WORKED THINGS OUT FOR ME. THE WORSE THINGS THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME STEERED ME RIGHT INTO THE CORRECT PATH.

I REMEMBER ONE TIME WHEN MY LIFE HAD SUNKEN INTO AN ALL TIME LOW WHEN I WAS ABOUT 26. I HAD STARTED DRINKING JUST TO COPE. I HAD BECOME SO PARANOID THAT I WOULDN'T EVEN STEP OUT OF MY HOUSE FOR FEAR SOMEONE WOULD SEE ME. MY ANSWER WAS TO STAY DRUNK SO I COULD ASSOCIATE WITH PEOPLE. I HAD TO BE DRUNK JUST TO GO WHERE PEOPLE WERE. I REALLY SUNK BELOW THE SURFACE AND DROWNING EVEN SOUNDED DESIRABLE TO THE LIFE I WAS LIVING.

TO ESCALATE MATTERS MORE TOWARDS HELL, I GOT EVICTED FROM THE TRAILER PARK I LIVED IN 4 MONTHS BEFORE FINAL PAYOFF ON MY TRAILER ,WHICH I FELT WAS REAL UNFAIR SINCE THE EVICTION HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING I HAD DONE. TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE I BURNED BOTH HANDS AND BOTH FEET TWO DAYS AFTER THE EVICTION. NO ONE COULD HELP ME MOVE, NO ONE HAD ANY MONEY AND I FELT THE AS IF MY WORLD HAD EXPLODED AROUND ME. HERE I WAS WITH THREE CHILDREN, NO JOB, NO HOME AND NO ONE TO HELP ME.

I COULD HAVE COMMITTED SUICIDE IT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE EASIEST THING TO DO AND YOU CAN BELIEVE I FELT LIKE IT. THE DEVIL HAD A FIELD DAY TELLING ME WHAT A LOW DOWN PIECE OF SCUM I WAS. WHAT A FAILURE I WAS AS A PARENT AND EVEN AS A HUMAN BEING. I ROLLED AROUND IN SELF PITY AND PULLED IN EVERYBODY I COULD INTO MY PITY WORLD. I DEPRESSED MYSELF WITH ALL MY PITY STORIES.

GOD KNEW THAT LIKE SWIMMING WHEN I GOT TO THE BOTTOM I WOULD KICK BACK OFF AND HEAD BACK TO THE TOP. HE KNEW I COULDN'T STAY UNDER FOR LONG THAT I'M A NATURAL FLOATER. HE KNEW THAT ONE DAY I WOULD WAGE WAR ON THE DEVIL AND START SWINGING. I FLOATED AROUND WITH MY CHILDREN FOR A WHILE AND WATCHED THE FEAR IN THEIR EYES THAT THIS WAS THE LIFE THAT THEY WERE GOING TO LIVE. I HAD ENOUGH AND REACHED INSIDE MYSELF AND PULLED OUT THE BAT AND SWUNG WITH ALL MY MIGHT AND KNOCKED THAT DEVIL OFF HIS FEET.

I GOT ME A PLACE TO LIVE AND WENT BACK TO WORK. I STOPPED DRINKING AND WATCHED THE SMILES OF MY CHILDREN AS I GAVE THANKS FOR EACH AND EVERY ONE. EVERY HUG WAS A TREASURE AND I WONDERED HOW I COULD HAVE BEEN SO BLIND THAT I COULDN'T SEE THAT IN FRONT OF ME WAS THE MOST PRECIOUS THING GOD COULD EVER GIVE A PERSON ,MY CHILDREN. I KNEW THAT THIS IS HOW GOD FEELS WHEN WE SMILE KNOWING HE IS CARING FOR US AND MEETING OUR NEEDS .
THE JOY OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE SHARED THROUGH UNCONDITIONAL HEARTS.

AS I LOOK BACK I SEE HOW GOD HAD TO KICK MY ASS JUST TO GET ME TO WAKE UP. I WAS SO EVOLVED AROUND MYSELF THAT I COULDN'T EVEN SEE THAT ALL I NEEDED WAS ALWAYS THERE. HOW HE FORCED ME TO CHANGE, BY MAKING ME FACE ,MY ULTIMATE ENEMY ,ME! TO TAKE A LONG LOOK AT THE MONSTER I HAD BECOME. HE FORCED ME TO EXPELLED THE DEMONS THAT HAD CAME RIGHT OUT OF HELL TO PROCESS ME.

EVERYDAY I PRAY THANKS TO GOD THAT I CAN WAKE UP AND TAKE A LONG LOOK AT THAT PERSON I WAS AND BE GRATEFUL THAT HE MADE ME SUCH A GREAT SWIMMER THAT I CAN TREAD WATER FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES AND THAT HE GIVES ME THE INSIGHT TO LOOK FOR LAND WHEN I AM STRANDED IN THE THE OCEAN OF LIFE.

I WAS THINKING TODAY ABOUT LOSING OUR WORSHIP LEADER IN OUR CHURCH AGAIN. I DON'T ENVY THE PERSON WHO GETS TO TAKE HIS PLACE. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT IT BUT THIS MUST BE THE WORSE POSITION TO HAVE IN THE CHURCH. FIRST HERE'S THAT THIN LINE BETWEEN LEADING WORSHIP AND BEING WORSHIPED. I HAVE SEEN SO MANY WORSHIP LEADERS WHO THINK THAT IF EVERYONE IS NOT INTO THE WORSHIP MODE ,THAT ITS ALL THEIR FAULT. YOU KNOW SATAN TAKES ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLES DOUBT AND FEEDS ON THIS AND REALLY CAN BRING DOWN THE CONGREGATION JUST BY WHISPERING INTO THE WORSHIP LEADERS HEAD.

AFTER ALL SATAN WAS GOD'S WORSHIP LEADER AND LOOK WHERE HE LED THE ANGELS IN HEAVEN. HE FELT HE SHOULD BE WORSHIPED FOR HIS ABILITIES ,AND SO HE WAS, BY A THIRD OF THE HEAVENLY HOST. YOU SEE WHERE IT GOT HIM AND HE SURE DON'T WANT TO BE THERE ALONE ,AFTER ALL, WHO WOULD WORSHIP HIM AND MAKE HIM FEEL BETTER ABOUT HOW HE WAS REJECTED BY GOD.

SURE LIVING FOR GOD IS HARD, AND IF SATAN IS NOT PUTTING UP A FUSS AND MAKING YOUR LIFE DIFFICULT ,THEN YOU, BETTER REEVALUATE YOUR BELIEFS. IF YOU TRULY BELIEVE IN GOD THEN YOU NEED BATTLE SATAN ON A DAILY BASIS. THE TRICK IS TO KNOW WHEN ITS SATAN OR JUST GOD TESTING YOU. I FIND LOOKING AT THE END RESULTS USUALLY MAKE IT CLEAR AS GOD STEERS YOU TO SOMETHING BETTER AND SATAN STEERS YOU AS FAR FROM GOD AS HE CAN.

I WOULD SURE BE WORRIED IF SATAN WASN'T PUTTING UP A FIGHT THEN I WOULD KNOW THAT EITHER I AM NO THREAT TO HIM OR I HAVE DRIFTED SO FAR AWAY FROM GOD THAT HE HAS NO INTEREST IN ME. IF I AM TRYING TO DO SOMETHING FOR GOD AND EVERY THING IS COMING AGAINST ME THEN I FEEL ELATED . I KNOW THAT WHAT I AM DOING WILL BENEFIT GOD IN ALL HIS GLORY BECAUSE SATAN IS SO AGAINST THE END RESULT.

CATERPILLARS AND TADPOLES

SOMETIMES WHEN WE TRY TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN THE SIMPLEST THINGS ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF US. THE OTHER DAY WHILE WATCHING TV A SIMPLE CARTOON MADE A LESSON COME TO LIFE.

THE CARTOON WAS ABOUT A CATERPILLAR THAT THOUGHT SHE WAS SO UGLY. WHEN SHE LEARNED SHE WOULD SOMEDAY BE VERY BEAUTIFUL AND HER LIFE WOULD CHANGE IN A MARVELOUS WAY. ALL SHE COULD DO WAS BRAG. SHE WENT AROUND THE POND BRAGGING AND EVERYONE TOLD HER HOW GREAT IT WAS THAT ONE DAY SHE WOULD BE VERY BEAUTIFUL AND GRACEFUL.

WHEN SHE CAME TO THE TADPOLE SHE BRAGGED AND HE WAS SO JEALOUS. HE BOMBARDED HER WITH QUESTIONS. HOW, WHEN AND CAN YOU BE SURE. SHE ANSWERED THEM ALL IN A VERY PROUD WAY. HE BECAME OBSESSED WITH HER STORY AND QUESTIONED HER OVER AND OVER. SO SHE SAID JUST WATCH, AND AND I WILL SHOW YOU. SHE BEGAN SPINNING A CACOON AS HE ASKED WHY, SHE TOLD HIM JUST TO WATCH. SOON SHE FINISHED HER JOB AFTER SHE TOLD THE TADPOLE THAT SHE WOULD RETURN SOON. SHE DISAPPEARED INSIDE. HE WATCHED AND WATCHED AND WAITED ON HER DAILY TO RETURN.

FINALLY THE DAY CAME AND SHE EMERGED AND AS SHE HAD PREDICTED SHE WAS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN HE HAD IMAGINED AND HER LIFE HAD CHANGED. NOW SHE COULD FLY AND SHE FLEW GRACEFULLY AROUND AND AROUND SHOWING OFF. THE TADPOLE HAD NEVER IMAGINED THAT SHE WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL AND SO CHANGED . HE WAS SO HAPPY THAT HE JUMPED UP ON THE BANK.

HOW DID I DO THAT? HE ASKED AND HE LOOKED DOWN , HE HAD LEGS. WHERE DID THESE COME FROM?. HE HAD BEEN SO CONSUMED WITH THE CATERPILLAR AND HER CHANGE HE HAD NOT EVEN NOTICED THAT HE HAD CHANGED TO AND HIS LIFE WOULD BE CHANGING BECAUSE HE HIMSELF HAD CHANGED . NOW HE WAS ON THE LAND AND ABLE TO JUMP AROUND AND LIVE A WHOLE NEW LIFE.

SOMETIMES WE BECOME SO CONSUMED WITH HOW OTHERS ARE CHANGING AND SO JEALOUS THAT WE DON'T NOTICE THAT WE ARE LOSING OUR TAILS. THAT OUR CHANGES ARE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THOSE OF THE OTHER PEOPLE. THAT IF WE LOOK MORE AT OURSELVES THAT WE WOULD REALIZE THAT OUR JOURNEY IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS THE PEOPLE WE ADMIRE. THAT WE ARE GROWING LEGS THAT WILL SET US FREE IN THE WORLD THAT WE LIVE IN.