DEPRESSION MEET YOUR MATCH

As I sit here alone staring at the sky,
I really don't exactly know why,
My brain is flying up and down,
sometimes kicking off the ground.

No form to my way of thinking
No sense as my emotions keep sinking,
Depression has took hold of my mind,
My flight plan has took no path of any kind.

Collisions happening all around,
destruction in my path abound.
Sadness,nothingness,empty as can be,
No future, no hope, can I see.

My soul keeps crying out, you see
For only my Bible can save me,
So Bible hurry take me away,
Help me to make it one more day.

IDEAS ON HE BOOK OF JUBLEES

I RESERVED THIS SPACE TO DISCUSS IDEAS ON THE FALLEN ANGELS AND THE BOOK OF JUBLEES. I AM VERY INTERESTED IN YOUR OPINION.

HANDING PROBLEMS TO GOD

I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW DIFFERENT I AM TO MY GRAND CHILDREN THAN I WAS TO MY SONS. I DON'T PUNISH THE SAME AND OVERLOOK QUITE A BIT MORE. I AM MORE PATIENT AND MORE DEDICATED TO CHRISTIAN VALUES. I WAS WONDERING WHAT THE DIFFERENCE IS.





THINKING ABOUT THE OLD TESTAMENT AND HOW GOD WAS SO DIFFERENT THEN. HE HAD TO TEACH DRASTIC LESSONS AND LISTEN TO THE CONSTANT COMPLAINING OF HIS PEOPLE. GOD IS SO DIFFERENT NOW AND EVEN THOUGH HE STILL TEACHES LESSONS HE SEEMS MORE PATIENT AND UNDERSTANDING ABOUT HIS CREATION. ALL THIS BECAUSE OF HIS SON JESUS CHRIST. ARE WE THE GRAND KIDS OF GOD? HE DISCIPLINES US LESS BECAUSE OF HIS SON WHO PAID THE PRICE FOR OUR SIN.



I WAS DIFFERENT AS A PARENT I EXPECTED PERFECTION AND THERE WAS A PRICE TO PAY FOR DISOBEDIENCE. OF COURSE I NEVER GOT PERFECTION ALL I GOT WAS A LOT OF FAILURES IN MY MARRIAGE ,IN MY PARENTING, AND IN MY FINANCES. I FELT LIKE A FLOP AND JUST WANTED TO HIDE SOMEWHERE SO I DIDN'T HAVE TO FACE THE REAL ME.







THINKING BACK I KNOW WHAT THE DIFFERENCE IS. I WAS SO WRAPPED UP IN FINDING MY HAPPINESS I COULDN'T SEE WHAT GOD HAD PLACED RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I WAS SO MISERABLE THAT I MADE MY CHILDREN'S LIFE MISERABLE ALSO. I LOVED THEM WITH ALL MY HEART BUT I FELT I WAS MISSING SOMETHING AND YES I PROBABLY BLAMED MY CHILDREN BECAUSE ALL THE FUN WAS GONE IN MY LIFE. I SPENT ENDLESS DAYS TRYING TO FIND A BABY SITTER JUST S I COULD WREAK MY LIFE SOME MORE. I ALSO WAS FULL OF GUILT FOR MY FAILURES THAT I KNOW I SEWED THAT IN MY SON'S LIFE. I THOUGHT GOD HAD TURNED HIS FACE FROM ME AND I WAS PAYING THE PRICE TAG.







YEARS LATER AFTER LOSING A SON AND GAINING MY GRAND CHILDREN TO RAISE I BEGAN TO NOTICE I WAS DIFFERENT. GOD WAS BACK, THE PROBLEMS WERE STILL THERE BUT I DIDN'T FEEL THE SAME. I HAD CAME TO REALIZE THAT EVERYTHING I NEED FOR HAPPINESS WAS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME . NOTHING IS AS GREAT AS A PAIR OF LITTLE ARMS GIVING YOU A HUG EVERY MORNING. SEEING THE SMILES ON EACH OF MY GRAND CHILDREN'S FACES AS THEY EXCEL THROUGH LIFE. TEACHING THEM ABOUT GOD AND HOPING THAT WHEN THE TIME COMES THAT THE LORD WILL HOLD THEM CLOSE AND PROTECT THEM FROM SOME OF LIFE'S UNPREDICTABLE EVENTS.





I SUDDENLY HAD A THOUGHT ALL THE DEPRESSION AND SADNESS I WENT THROUGH ALL THAT WAS BECAUSE I WANTED TO SET MYSELF UP AS SOMETHING ABOVE ALL ELSE. I WANTED TO BE AT THE HEAD OF HE TABLE. I WANTED TO BE SOMEBODY. THE TRUTH IS : I WAS ALWAYS SOMEBODY BUT I FELT LIKE I WAS NOTHING. IT WASN'T UNTIL LATER YEARS THAT I REALIZED THAT ALL THAT PRIDE MEANT NOTHING. THE ONLY REAL MEANINGS COME FROM YOUR FAMILY. THE PAIN I FELT, AS I FELT LIKE A FAILURE AS A MOTHER YET I DID NOTHING ABOUT IT. ALL THE WASTED TEARS AND WASTED YEARS I GAVE TO SATAN. HE ROLLED ME AROUND LIKE A BALL OF YARN MY MISERY GROWING AS I ADDED THE GUILT LAYER AFTER LAYER. I CAN SEE THAT NOW BUT THE BLINDERS WERE WAY TO THICK BACK THEN.





IT WASN'T UNTIL I SET DOWN ONE DAY AND SAID "WHAT AM I DOING?" I'VE ALWAYS SAID I TRUSTED GOD YET I NEVER ONCE TURNED OVER MY LIFE TO HIM. I WAS TRYING TO FIX THINGS MYSELF ,BE IN CONTROL, BE SOMETHING I'M NOT. THE WORST EMBARRASSMENT I EVER HAD WAS TO ADMIT I CAN'T HANDLE MY LIFE AND THAT I AM A COMPLETE FAILURE AT MY ATTEMPTS. I STILL TRY TO CONTROL THINGS. IF I HAVE A PROBLEM I STILL SPEND MANY HOURS TRYING TO FIND A SOLUTION. IT IS WHEN I FINALLY GIVE UP THAT GOD SAYS "WATCH THIS" AND FIXES IT WITH THE GREATEST OF EASE.





WHEN A FRIEND WAS SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I HEARD HIM TRYING TO ANALYZE HIS PROBLEM THAT I REALIZED THAT HE WASN'T LETTING GO AND LETTING GOD TAKE CARE OF IT. HE WAS STILL PUTTING A HUMAN FACTOR IN THE EQUATION AND SADLY I KNEW GOD WAS WAITING ON HIM TO GIVE UP AND HAND IT TO HIM.





I DON'T THINK WE REALIZE THAT AS LONG A WE INTERVENE GOD WILL LET US TRY TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE. A FRIEND TOLD ME ONCE THAT GOD WAS CRUEL IF HE LET PEOPLE SUFFER SO, BUT I BELIEVE THAT IT'S A LEARNING PROCESS AND WE USUALLY WALK AWAY WITH A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF HOW GOD WORKS. OF COURSE I DON'T JUST SET BACK AND SAY ITS YOUR PROBLEM GOD BECAUSE I AM HUMAN AND PUTTING IN THE HUMAN FACTOR IS WHAT HUMANS DO. I STILL SPEND MANY HOURS TRYING TO SOLVE EVERYTHING INCLUDING HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS. I MAY AS WELL AIM HIGH AFTER ALL WHO KNOWS GOD MIGHT JUST ANSWER THAT PROBLEM FOR ME ONE DAY TOO.